Lizbeth Lost

I came across this picture my now 18 year old son drew when he was 8. He apparently thought he would grow up to be Hugh Hefner.

Currently contemplating how I’m going to diagram a complicated process flow.

Friday Five

• Today is my three year anniversary at my current job. I took the day off to visit a university with my son.
• I work with mainframe programmers. I am not a programmer. I do feel like I add value to the team. My current project is updating the very old documentation on a COBOL program that reads a bajillion tables to produce another table and I feel like I’m looking at gibberish most of the time.
• This college selection process is exhausting because my son is obstinate. He is placing too much importance on the proximity to his sophomore girlfriend. My boss keeps telling me to get him a dog and a jar of peanut butter. He also tells me that is what he’s buying Mason for Christmas.
• Speaking of Christmas, I have already purchased a few gifts. The tree will have presents under it next weekend when I decorate. I’m looking forward to the sparkle and lights.
• We are just a little over 6 months from the wedding. I have the venue, photographer, dress, shoes, officiant, and florist. Everything else will fall into place after the first of the year. I can’t wait to be Mrs. Mason. Mason can’t wait to hear me say, “love, honor, and obey*.” I added the asterisk because we all know how well I take direction. 😁

It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.

-Amy Poehler

I apologize for everything. I apologized to the cashier at Walmart yesterday for having such a large order (I was in a regular checkout line). She looked at me funny and I realized it was probably really silly of me to apologize.

It’s difficult to break the habit of apologizing for taking up space.

Work husband (WH): I have to go pickup mules for LK (his wife) at lunch today.

Me: Mules?

WH: Moscow Mule mugs. LK saw some being sold for $1 each and I’m picking up 12.

Me: I didn’t know you drank Moscow Mules.

WH: I’ve never had one.

Me: 🤔

WH: You know how she likes to entertain.

Me: Where is she going to put them?

WH: She’s already picked out a spot.

Me: …

WH: She went to Barnes and Noble with her stepmom this weekend.

Me: How many did she buy?

WH: I don’t know. I only saw the amount.

Me: 😂

No spanking on Tumblr? I call bullshit.

Will you take monopoly money as tuition payment?

We visited Belmont University yesterday. My son’s girlfriend’s brother just transferred there and we heard glowing reviews from his family. Of course we loved it. The campus was beautiful, the education is top notch, there are a myriad of ways to be involved on campus, and then there’s the fact you are in Nashville with all it has to offer.

B wanted a hat from the campus store. He kept saying, “I could see myself here.” And he’s right, I could see him there and know he would flourish in that environment.

Here’s the reality check – there’s absolutely no way we can afford it. He’s a good student, but not a great student. I make too much money to qualify for much in the way of need based aid. I didn’t save for college. Go ahead and be judgmental about that fact, but I struggled for many years due to poor partner choices and paying for the current necessities took priority over a 529 plan. I can swing a state school, but unless the Belmont financial aid package gets us somewhere close to the state school amount, I can’t do it. He says he will take out loans and the education will be worth it. I say no, it’s not worth it and tried to explain he doesn’t want to be that far in debt when he graduates.

His other top pick is another private university that falls into the same outrageously expensive category. The kid inherited my champagne taste. I still have a domestic light beer pocketbook.

So we apply and we wait. We have a visit at a LARGE state school (Indiana) in a couple of weeks, but I’m afraid he will be lost there. I’m adding a smaller state school in commuting distance to the list. I would rather he go away for the experience, but we need a budget friendly backup option, even if we both hate the idea of it.

The senior yearbook picture. I can’t believe this is really happening.

The habitually late leave themselves inspirational notes.

I might make it out the door by 7:00 AM.

Maybe.

Style help needed

My 17 yo son is having senior pictures taken next week. He needs a jacket, shirt, and tie for the pictures. I don’t necessarily want to go with a formal suit, but wouldn’t rule it out. Maybe a navy blazer? I know nothing about men’s fashion. He typically wears athletic shorts and is even more clueless than me. Help, please! @justbudfox @purplebullfinch @tjtevlin

Observations on a Monday

• The boy said he wasn’t going to be home for dinner, so I stayed late at work looking at wedding invitations because why not.
• This bourbon barrel blackberry wine is really good.
• I stopped for groceries on the way home and bought another bottle of the bourbon blackberry wine because I couldn’t remember how much was left in my open bottle at home. I bought food, too.
• This instant pot cream cheese spaghetti is yummy. The spicy sauce was a good choice in it.
• This wine is really good.
• I’m pretty sure I broke up a make out sesh my son and his girlfriend were having when I got home. He kept telling me they had just gotten home from softball and he was changing before going to her house. Sure kid.
• You should seriously try this wine. Huber Winery. Bourbon Barrel Blackberry.
• I have enough spaghetti for days. It’s a good thing the instant pot is easy when you’ve been drinking.
• I need to bake some zucchini bread. I’m thinking chocolate zucchini because the zucchini and Greek yogurt makes it healthy.
• I need another glass of wine.
• Are you still reading this? Thanks for hanging with me.
• Did I tell ya’ll that my fiance’s brother and his baby mama (3 kids, been together forever) finally set a date? A Jamaican destination wedding. A month and 3 days before our wedding. Our date was set first. I’m tempted to wear cobalt blue to her all white “please wear white/ivory attire” wedding. I won’t, but did she really feel the need to schedule her wedding a month before ours?
• Seriously ya’ll, this wine. I might be more than a bit tipsy.
• Ok, this has gone on long enough. I’m just going to get myself in trouble if I keep babbling.
• Yes, that’s not a wine glass. I was too lazy to go the other cabinet for an actual wine glass.

A win and a loss

Win: My son hit a deer last week. I was thrilled that the comprehensive coverage would cover all the repairs with no increase in rates and he would not lose his safe driving discount.

Loss: I picked up the car today and it rides incredibly rough and needs new shocks and struts. Probably front and rear. Not surprising, but he hadn’t told me how rough it had become. Based off one of those repair estimators, I’m guessing at least $800.

Ya’ll hear about the inmates who pulled a Shawshank Redemption without the shit?

Well, that’s my county. Every redneck in the southern part of the county has been locked and loaded and ready for them. They thought they had them last night, but nope. They have the choppers and every LEO in the county out again tonight just a few miles from last night’s spotting. People are freaking out. These escapees are obviously not the sharpest tacks as they have been traveling main roads. I hope they catch them tonight before someone gets trigger happy.

One of those exchange students selling books was going door to door today. Someone tried to warn him this was not a good time to be showing up unannounced on someone’s doorstep, but he seemed unconcerned. Listen up, buddy, there are a lot of rednecks itching to shoot a convict and about the only thing you’ve got saving your ass right now is your blonde hair (the escapees have dark and gray hair). I would suggest stopping before you end up on someone’s doorstep who was certain you were the guy. Trust me, they aren’t going to pause to ask questions.